Doki Doki Literature Club Review
by trueplaya
Summary: A college student and small time YouTuber ends up reviewing a game he knows nothing about after losing a bet.
1. My Circuits Have Blown

**Author's Note: And now for something completely (well, not really) different.**

 _"My Circuits Have Blown"_

 _January 1, 1:48 PM_

 _Mason Wayne_

 _Irvine, California_

"Before I begin this review, there's something I need to explain to you. I'm not bullshitting when I say that I know nothing about this game. Nothing at all. I mean, I got some requests to review this one, but it's not like I got so many to the point where I was compelled to do research on this game or play it. Since I had no intention of reviewing the game that I'm about to review, I forgot about it as soon as I closed my messages. But you see, I made this bet…"

 _December 26, 8:18 PM_

 _Mason Wayne_

 _Irvine, California_

"Honestly, it would be so Atlanta for them to blow this. I think that the Panthers beat the Falcons, Seattle beats Arizona and the Falcons miss the playoffs," Janice declared shortly before biting into her chicken wing. As a Saints fan, she definitely didn't like the Panthers, but the prospect of Atlanta blowing it in spectacular fashion again was simply too good to pass up on. She could root for Carolina, at least this week.

"Bold prediction, Janice. One that I have to disagree with. How much you wanna put on it?" Daniel asked in response as he put a couple of fries in his mouth. He didn't really care about what happened in the NFC South- since he grew up in Pittsburgh before moving to Southern California four years ago, the Steelers were the only team for him. However, he thought the Falcons would make the playoffs, both because they were the better team to him and should be playing in the postseason, and also because they were in a simple "win and you're in" scenario. Of course, as the Panthers were a playoff team, perhaps it wasn't so simple.

"Hmm… if I win here, we take a photo of you bowing to me and I post it on all my social media accounts- Twitter, Facebook, Instagram. Now then, Daniel- set your condition," Janice declared.

"Well now, let's see here," Daniel said as he mulled over what he should propose for Janice should the Falcons make the playoffs. "If Atlanta makes the postseason, then you kiss me. In front of everyone here. Not a quick peck on the cheek, either; we're talking a deep, passionate kiss on the lips."

"That's all? Okay then, let's fucking go. You got yourself a bet, Daniel!" The junior replied enthusiastically, extending her hand to shake his as per tradition.

"Bring those breath mints, Janice," Daniel replied as he shook her hand.

"Alright, now I'm gonna make my bet. Just to piss a certain someone off, I'm gonna say that the Chargers miss the playoffs," Lauren declared, knowing that she'd get a reaction out of the only freshman in their group who was sitting across from her at the table.

Mason Wayne was wearing a dark green t-shirt with a light blue sweater tied around his waist along with a pair of blue jeans and some green sneakers. On his head, of course, was his beloved Chargers visor- the yellow lightning bolt that was the logo was in the center of the headband, while the rest of the visor was white with a blue underside and outlines. It was by far his favorite hat. As per usual, Mason's fairly long, dark brown hair was spread out all over the visor, but one could still see the logo if they looked closely enough. He smiled and finished swallowing the swig of Fanta he had just taken before coming up with his response.

"You sure about that, Lauren? Let's take a look at the playoff scenario again. If the Bolts are gonna be playing in January, then they need to beat Oakland, Baltimore has to beat Cincinnati, and Jacksonville's gotta take down Tennessee. Now Vegas favors the Chargers over their future team, the Ravens over the Bengals, and while the Titans are favored over the Jaguars, it's only by a small amount and Tennessee has looked like shit lately. So if all that happens, then Baltimore is in, Tennessee is out, and then it doesn't matter what Buffalo does, so the Chargers will make the playoffs as the sixth seed," Mason explained, taking another sip shortly afterwards.

"You are doing some serious mental gymnastics there, Mason," Janice replied dryly.

"Hey, I'm not doing any mental gymnastics. I'm just laying out the scenario for you guys," Mason calmly retorted.

"That is still a pretty big stretch, dude," Daniel added.

"Is it really? Like I said, the Chargers and Ravens are favored, and do you really trust Tennessee to beat anyone right now? I think we'll be seeing those pesky lightning bolts in the postseason."

"Holy fuck Mason, what is it with you and your hard-on for the Chargers? I'm just saying, man, there's this other team in Los Angeles wearing blue and yellow that boasts a top flight QB, one of, if not the best running backs in the game, and plenty of elite talent at many of the skill positions. Now where have I seen this before?" Lauren teased.

"Sorry Lauren, but I didn't grow up on the Rams. I grew up on the Chargers. Powder Blue for life, hashtag Bolt Up. I'm taking you up on that bet- if I win, I'm taking a photo of you wearing a Chargers jersey the next day. Then I'm posting it to social media for all the world to see." As Mason knew that Lauren was quite the Raiders fan, he knew it would be the ultimate comical punishment to see her donning an Antonio Gates jersey. It would also rub in the fact that Oakland's state and division rival made the playoffs while they went 6-10 and missed the postseason- even more humiliating considering that many football fans and experts (herself included) thought the Raiders would be making a deep playoff run this year.

"Hey, you stole my idea!" Janice responded in mock anger. She had to admit, it would be pretty goddamn funny to see Lauren wearing a navy blue Chargers jersey.

"No, Janice, I was inspired by your idea. Now then Lauren, if I lose this bet?" Mason asked the blonde sitting across him.

"If I win… tell me, Mason," Lauren said slowly before continuing, "are you familiar with a little game called Doki Doki Literature Club?"

Intrigued by Lauren's comment, Daniel and Janice leaned in to listen more closely.

"I've gotten some requests to play and review it, but I haven't done either. In fact, I haven't even done any research on it," Mason replied honestly.

"Well, that makes you the black sheep then," Janice said cryptically. She, Daniel and Lauren had all played the game before, but Mason was in the dark. And they had no intention of turning the lights on.

"Damn, you're making it sound all mysterious and shit. What is this game, the second coming?"

Lauren, Daniel and Janice didn't need to tell Mason what would happen if he lost his bet; he knew what they were implying. They only responded with a series of mock condescending smiles. If only he knew.

With their bets laid out for next week's games, everyone paid their part of the bill while Daniel covered the tip. Soon after, the four friends went their separate ways. Daniel and Janice drove back in their respective cars while Lauren waited for the bus. Meanwhile, Mason began walking back towards his apartment. Thankfully for him, it was only a fifteen minute walk. In fact, most of the places he needed to get to were within walking distance of his apartment.

"You know, I don't really hate the Rams. They're just not the Chargers." Mason said to no one in particular as he pressed the stoplight.

"There are only a few things in life worth going out for. Chilling with those guys back there is one of them."

"Now I'm interested. What the hell is Doki Doki Literature Club?" Mason asked to himself as he pulled out his phone while crossing the street. He thought about looking up the game for a moment, but decided against it as he put his phone back in his pocket. "Nah. I'll go in blind, like I did with Undertale. Something tells me that's the best way to experience this one."

After a few more minutes, Mason arrived at his apartment.

"Well, this is my place. One bedroom, one bathroom, and while this isn't the biggest living room or kitchen of all time, it gets the job done. Washing machine and dryer are over there. I've also got a pretty solid gaming computer in my bedroom. Not exactly MTV Cribs material, but it's still nice and the rent isn't fucking me in the ass the way that most places in Southern California would. The money I make from YouTube along with my student financial aid also helps."

He quickly changed into more comfortable sleep clothes and then went on his computer. Despite his browsing of several different websites, he found that he couldn't take his mind off of the game that his friends mentioned- though he still vowed not to do any research on it to prevent spoilers.

Eventually, Mason figured it would be best if he simply slept on it. It was getting late anyways. He turned off the lights and tucked himself into his twin sized bed.

"Come on Bolts, don't ruin my holiday season," Mason said half jokingly before falling asleep.

 _December 31, 3:47 PM_

" _They have five in their secondary and that's what Rivers will look into and go- oh, he's got Benjamin! There he goes- another long touchdown pass! Travis Benjamin, 62 yards!"_

"I don't need Redtube when I've got games like this," Mason said while staring down Lauren, a big grin on his face. The "games" he was referring to were not dating sims. The Chargers just went up 30-10 on the Raiders following Philip Rivers' long bomb to Travis Benjamin. Though the game was initially close due to some mistakes by the Bolts, Oakland simply didn't have the will or firepower to take on their division rivals. On defense, their line couldn't get much of anything going while the secondary was torn to pieces by the Chargers passing attack. On offense, the Raiders got over a hundred yards on just nineteen carries from Marshawn Lynch and a long touchdown pass from Derek Carr to Amari Cooper. Sadly for Oakland, that was all they got out of their offense. It became evident as the game went on which team was fighting for a playoff spot and which team was simply mailing it in for the last game of the season, knowing they had nothing to play for.

"Gates or Allen? Tell me right now which jersey you wanna wear, Lauren."

"Hold your horses, Mason," Lauren retorted. Remember, you still need Baltimore and Jacksonville to win. And as we can see here…"

"Looks to me like Jacksonville is still hanging around while the Ravens are coming back. The dream remains alive! Jags and Ravens, don't fail me now!"

 _December 31, 4:46 PM_

Although the Dolphins put up a valiant effort after being down by nineteen, the deficit was too much and they lost 22-16 to Buffalo.. With that game over, the four college friends turned their attention to the Cardinals-Seahawks game that was playing on the other TV. Arizona was doing quite the job playing spoiler, and took a 26-24 lead late in the game. Seattle drove down the field, but eventually the drive stalled. However, they had gotten into field goal range before then. The game would come down to the right leg of Blair Walsh.

"Clock running and Blair Walsh to try and put the Seahawks ahead. From forty-eight, the kick is not good."

Suddenly, six eyes were staring expectantly at Janice.

With that, the Falcons-Panthers game became irrelevant (though Atlanta did win 22-10). Blair Walsh missing yet another important field goal put quite the smile on Daniel's face.

"Hope you brought the breath mints today, Janice…" Daniel said in a slow, playful tone.

"Why did the Seahawks sign this guy again?" Janice asked to no one in particular, a look of disbelief on her face as she popped an Altoid into her mouth. A moment later, she kissed Daniel on the lips for a good four seconds, eliciting a cheer out of Lauren.

The Chargers wound up completing their end of the bargain and beat Oakland. For Mason and Lauren, it was the Jaguars-Titans and Bengals-Ravens games that were much more intriguing once it became clear that Los Angeles would win.

"Hell yeah man, the Jags are only down 15-10 and the Ravens are up 27-24. Let's fucking go," Mason said as he turned his attention to the AFC South showdown.

" _Down the middle of the field, intercepted! Picked off by Byard, his second of the day!"_

Shortly afterwards, the four friends looked over to the television set that was playing the Bengals-Ravens game.

" _Green for sure will be doubled at the bottom of the screen."_

" _Ravens trying to end it here. Fourth down, Dalton steps up, Dalton throws… it's complete! Caught by Boyd- Tyler Boyd, touchdown! Remarkable! The Cincinnati Bengals have stunned this crowd!"_

Tennessee held on to beat Jacksonville. Cincinnati's late touchdown meant Baltimore's comeback was all for naught. When the dust settled, the Titans and Bills got the two AFC wild card spots.

The Chargers had missed the playoffs via tiebreakers. Mason lost his bet.

All he could do was wear a bitter smile on his face as the other three turned towards him.

"Well, fuck."

 _January 1, 1:28 AM_

After the games were over, the four friends split off to join their family New Year's parties. Sure, Mason wouldn't have minded being alone, but he ended up going anyways since he didn't really hate anyone in his family and they also would've pestered him to no end if he didn't go. And even though he already had dinner, he would end up being there for quite some time and his family's cooking was simply too good to pass up on (physical health be damned).

The party was reasonably enjoyable along with the countdown, but Mason had lingering feelings of disappointment over the Chargers missing the playoffs and intrigue over just what the hell Doki Doki Literature Club was all about, and why Lauren wanted him to play it.

After the clock reached midnight, signifying the end of 2017 and the start of 2018, the party began winding down and people began to leave. Luckily for Mason, his uncle's house was within walking distance of not just the restaurant he went to with his friends, but also his apartment. Once he got home, he changed into his sleep clothes again and went to bed. However, he quickly got out of bed when he realized there was still something he needed to do.

"Oh that's right Theodore, I gotta download that game. May as well get this done as soon as possible," Mason muttered as he turned on his computer. On the left side of his desk sat a harmless green teddy bear with a black bat on his chest that Mason named Theodore. "He's been rolling with me since I was four years old- my parents got him because of my obsession with teddy bears after watching Mr. Bean. A trustworthy companion if there ever was one. Now let's see where this game is." Once it was up and running, he logged into Steam and looked it up. There it was.

"Oh it's free. How nice. At least if it sucks then I won't be wasting any money on it," Mason said as he started the download. Once his computer finished installing the game, he turned off his computer and went back to bed.

However, as the game was downloading, he failed to notice the content tags.

 _January 1, 1:51 PM_

"Yep. So that's why I'm here, everyone. I have only three things to say before I start this review: fuck you Jacksonville, fuck you Baltimore, and no, I do not work for Big Bill Hell's."

 **Author's Note: Really, this chapter is just setting the table for the rest of the story. Just like An Unfortunate Affair, Mason Wayne tends to go around breaking the fourth wall. Think Frank Underwood from House of Cards- he doesn't know what medium he's in, but he knows that someone is watching (or, in this case, reading) him and his actions. In addition, none of his Mason's friends know about his asides, and they can't hear him when he goes on one. Whenever Mason's alone and starts talking, or if it's mentioned that he looks away, that's when he starts breaking the fourth wall. By the way, I'm just going to treat An Unfortunate Affair as non canon for Mason.**

 **More fun facts: all of the football scores, playoff scenarios, even announcer calls you see in this chapter are accurate. Go and look up the highlights of all the aforementioned games if you want to verify. This chapter takes place during Week 17 of the 2017-2018 NFL season.**

 **In addition, there's a certain song that's associated with this story. If you find out what it is, then let me know.**


	2. I Know It's Self Imposed

**Author's Note: I changed the title of the first chapter. In fact, I changed the theme song of this story. After listening to a certain song, I knew that it was perfect for this story.**

" _I Know It's Self Imposed"_

 _January 1, 1:52 PM_

 _Mason Wayne_

 _Irvine, California_

"This is gonna be the shit or it's gonna be shit. Theodore, I sincerely hope it's the former." Mason said as he started up the game as well as his recording equipment.

Once the game was up and running, the first thing Mason saw was a sepia tone image of four girls, all wearing the same uniform, with what appeared to be the game's logo on the top left.

"So this takes place in high school, huh?"

The girl on the far left looked like she was over the moon to be in the game. The girl directly to her right looked much more reserved. The third girl down also had a happy expression on her face, while the last girl to the far right looked somewhat annoyed. They were also all staring directly at the screen- at Mason.

On the bottom of the screen, meanwhile, was a pink dialogue box with polka dots of a slightly darker shade of pink.

 _This game is not suitable for children or those who are easily disturbed._

"Well, I'm technically an adult. Though 'easily disturbed is a bit of a broad statement, isn't it?" He clicked and then the next warning appeared.

 _Individuals suffering from anxiety or depression may not have a safe experience playing this game. For content warnings, please visit:_ _._

"More warnings, huh? Well, I've never been diagnosed with depression or anxiety, so I guess that's a good sign. But what would be so scary about playing this game with those two conditions?" He muttered to no one in particular as he clicked again.

 _By playing Doki Doki Literature Club, you agree that you are at least 13 years of age, and you consent to your exposure of highly disturbing content._

As that warning appeared on his screen, there was a smaller text box that simply said "I agree." He clicked on it and for a moment, the screen went from sepia tone to full color before showing the logo of the developer- a purple cube with the words "Team Salvato" under it. Complimenting the sudden screen change was a cheerful, upbeat tune. For good measure, the game repeated one of its earlier warnings.

 _This game is not suitable for children or those who are easily disturbed._

"Disturbing content? Well that's a shame. I wanted to go into this one totally blind, so that if there was anything scary here, then I'd be completely surprised by it. Then again, I guess they had to throw these content warnings in to avoid potential lawsuits. I mean, this game is free, so I don't think it'll get the developers swimming in money."

Soon, Mason found himself on the title screen. The logo was still on the top left corner of the screen, and the four girls from before were still there, albeit in a different arrangement. In the bottom left corner of the screen were a slew of standard options for a game's main menu.

 _New Game_

 _Load Game_

 _Settings_

 _Help_

 _Quit_

"Alright then, let's just start up a new game here. I'm gonna name my character… Brett."

Before long, Mason found himself playing the grand mystery known as Doki Doki Literature Club. After a little over an hour, he began to give some of his input.

"Okay everyone, here's the idea: this game is a dating sim. For those of you who aren't avid gamers, this basically means the game is an interactive romantic comedy. You're a horny Japanese high school boy trying to get laid by any means necessary. He ends up joining a literature club consisting of four female members, all of which he thinks are hot. As a result, he ends up joining in an effort to impress one of them en route to what I'm assuming is incredibly kinky sex if the pre-game content warnings are any indication. By now you're probably asking yourself, who are the four members? And who do I want to use my 'Debauchery Supreme' playlist on after getting them alone in my bedroom? Well, here's the quick rundown."

"You could hang out with Sayori, your childhood friend and one of the driving forces behind you joining. She's the club's Vice President and a cheerful airhead. Or you can try and hook up with the snappy, confrontational girl known as Natsuki. Apparently her cupcakes are to die for. You could also take a stab at dating Yuri, a polite girl who prefers books to people. She prefers to wait in the shadows rather than initiate conversation, only talking when necessary. And finally, if you don't find the other three girls attractive, then you can ignore the others and focus on just Monika. She's the club president and apparently quite popular on campus."

"Anyways, the start of the game is table setting: you join the club, meet the characters, get some vague hints on what their personalities are like- standard fare, really. So far, it just looks like your typical visual novel. Not that much in the way of gameplay, but rather a comic book presented in a slightly different form."

Eventually, he got to the poem section. "Well, this is something I haven't seen before…"

After some trial and error, he figured out how the poems worked.

"You're probably asking yourself just how you go about unlocking the kinky sex scenes. Well then, you may want to listen closely here, because it's kinda complicated. In between meetings, your guy and the other four characters are supposed to write and share a poem with everyone else in the club. How exactly do you write the poem? Brace yourselves," Mason ordered his future audience, pausing for a moment before continuing on. "You pick twenty words at random based on which girl you're trying to impress." He turned away from the computer to give an expression that said "are you fucking kidding me?" before continuing.

"No, I did not make that up, that's seriously how he does it. I'm not gonna lie, I have a ton of problems with this. One, why not just write a poem? There's already next to no gameplay, so why dumb down what I'm guessing is the primary form of it in this game? I'm guessing it's because then it would be too much of a headache for the developers, but it's still kinda disappointing, especially since you can't actually see the poem you've turned in, not to mention that while some of the words carry a common theme, combining twenty of them does not make for a good poem. So what the hell do your poems end up looking like anyways? I mean, we get the reactions from the other cast members, but that's it. What the hell did my guy end up writing? Did he come up with something coherent and profound, or is it just a bunch of words and concepts vomited onto the page with no deeper understanding of what they mean? I'm no poem expert, hell, I'm no writing expert, but just chucking a bunch of random words onto the paper doesn't make for a New York Times Best Seller. Honestly, I can't tell if he made an actual poem or just wrote the words down so he would have something, since the other people in the club give you mixed reactions. I'm gonna be optimistic here and assume that he's writing real poems. Anyways…"

"As I mentioned earlier, you end up getting different reactions from each of the characters depending on who you impress with your poem. How do you know who you impress? Here's how it works. When you pick a word, one of the members is gonna end up liking it. You see those small drawings of Sayori, Yuri and Natsuki at the bottom of the screen? When one of them jumps up after you select a word, that's how you know they like the word you just picked. Each character has a kind of word that they like. Natsuki prefers words that are short, cute, and to the point. So a word like 'bunny' or 'pink' will make her little sprite jump for joy. Yuri is the opposite: she likes words that are dark, long and complicated. For example, words such as 'effulgent' and 'afterimage' makes the small drawing of her happy. Sayori is somewhere in the middle; she enjoys a little bit of happy and a little bit of sad. The words she likes are more complex than Natsuki's, but not as much as Yuri's. Words like 'depression' and 'awesome' appeal to her. To summarize: Natsuki likes Dr. Seuss books, Yuri is a fan of Shakespeare plays, and Sayori's favorite filmmaker is Cameron Crowe. Looks like Yuri's gonna like this first poem that I 'wrote'."

"Also worth noting is that it doesn't seem like there's a route in game where you end up with Monika, since you can't write poems for her (notice how there's no small drawing of her during the poem section) and you don't get any special scenes with her the way you do with the other three characters. Why, you may ask? I don't know, but it's puzzling to me. I mean, this guy clearly finds all of the club members attractive. Maybe he thought to himself that it would be a fruitless endeavor due to her status? Or maybe she already has a boyfriend? Or maybe she's just not that into you? Whatever the reasoning is, it's all off screen, since the game doesn't bother mentioning why you can't end up dating Monika."

"That's… pretty lazy, I'm not gonna lie. Honestly, I'd be kinda pissed if I were her. She's probably thinking to herself...

 _March 22, 4:11 PM_

 _Monika_

 _Literature Clubroom_

" _Fuck you, game developers. You lazy sacks of shit. I'm in a dating sim that has only five goddamn characters counting the faceless avatar, and I don't even get a chance to recreate the sex scenes from Deadpool and Fifty Shades of Grey with him? What the fuck is wrong with you guys? You can't even bother explaining why I'm just a bystander? What kind of bullshit is that? You people don't even have the excuse of having to meet a deadline set by the executives since this is an indie game. No wonder this game is free, because who'd want to pay for this kind of half assed development? Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to start binge watching videos on Pornhub like they're part of a Netflix series and then cry myself to sleep after a climax more depressing than Spec Ops: The Line's."_

It had been a few days since Monika came to a firm, awful realization: her reality was a fantasy. When she wasn't wallowing in misery, she found herself going on angry rants about her current situation. In fact, she had just gone on an angry rant… in her head.

The information didn't come slowly to her until she eventually connected the dots and realized her situation, oh no- it all came streaming into her brain at once (shortly after Brett joined the club, in fact), turning one of the school's most attractive and intelligent students with a bright future ahead of her into a total mess dealing with an existential crisis- one with no solutions in sight.

Until recently.

Because when she wasn't wallowing in misery or going on angry rants, she was listening to them.

 _January 1, 2:44 PM_

 _Mason Wayne_

 _Irvine, California_

"...thinking to herself… I dunno. But don't worry Monika- one day you'll end your misery and fulfill all of your sexual fantasies built from years of lonely nights and excessive porn viewing. Or there's gonna be DLC where the main character tries to hook up with you, whatever's first."

Suddenly, he was treated to a still image of Yuri sitting next to the main character, reading a book. "Man, they could not have picked a more awkward way to read this… gotta get the sexual tension in there somehow, you know what I'm saying?"

Mason, to say the least, was disappointed in the game so far. At the very least, there was one character that he liked so far.

"Man, I'm glad I'm spending time with Yuri. She seems kinda uncomfortable in social situations, but she's still cool. This is the kind of person you'd want to work with on a school project, or watch a really good movie with, you know what I'm sayin? And I'm talking, like, a deep movie, one that addresses important issues and really makes you think. Like _Crash_. Anyways, it looks like Yuri liked my poem more than anyone in the club."

After his little monologue, Mason kept going ahead until the characters were almost done sharing their poems.

Almost.

 _My eyes land on Yuri and Natsuki. They gingerly exchange sheets of paper, sharing their respective poems. As they read in tandem, I watch each of their expressions change. Natsuki's eyebrows furrow in frustration. Meanwhile, Yuri smiles sadly._

 _Natsuki: "(What's with this language…?)"_

 _Yuri: "Eh? Um...did you say something?"_

 _Natsuki: "Oh, it's nothing."_

 _Natsuki dismissively returns the poem to the desk with one hand._

 _Natsuki: "I guess you could say it's fancy."_

 _Yuri: "Ah- Thanks… Yours is...cute…"_

 _Natsuki: "Cute? Did you completely miss the symbolism or something? It's clearly about the feeling of giving up. How can that be cute?_

 _Yuri: "I-I know that! I just meant… The language, I guess… I was trying to say something nice…"_

 _Natsuki: "Eh? You mean you have to try that hard to come up with something nice to say? Thanks, but it really didn't come out nice at all!"_

Though the situation hadn't blown up yet, Mason could tell that an argument was on the horizon.

"Well now. Looks like we finally have something interesting happening here," Mason said casually but with a hint of interest as he clicked again, advancing the conversation.

 _Yuri: "Um… Well, I do have a couple suggestions…"_

 _Natsuki: "Hmph. If I was looking for suggestions, I would have asked someone who actually liked it. Which people_ _ **did**_ _, by the way. Sayori liked it. And Brett did, too! So based on that, I'll gladly give you some suggestions of my own. First of all-"_

"Well, that's just great. I just started this game, and already Natsuki has established herself as an annoying little shit who starts arguments over the smallest things imaginable. Just an amazing first impression here. I know which ship ain't sailing tonight, I can tell you that."

 _Yuri: "Excuse me… I appreciate the offer, but I've spent a long time establishing my writing style. I don't expect it to change anytime soon, unless of course I come across something particularly inspiring. Which I haven't yet."_

"Yuri's in a tough spot right now. I mean, she can't just let Natsuki walk all over her. Then again, she doesn't want to escalate the argument. It's even more difficult since Natsuki is already kinda pissed off, and can blow her top over the tiniest thing. She has to play this perfectly, find the right balance…"

 _Natsuki: "Nn…!"_

 _Yuri: "And Brett liked my poem too, you know. He even told me he was impressed by it."_

 _Natsuki suddenly stands up._

 _Natsuki: "Oh? I didn't realize you were so invested in trying to impress our new member, Yuri."_

"And I'm guessing that wasn't it. Also, why the hell does Natsuki just assume right away that Yuri's trying to get it on Marvin Gaye style with Brett? _We_ know that Brett is trying to hook up with one of the girls in the club, but who knows what the other girls think about him. Honestly Natsuki, that statement says much more on how _you_ feel about Brett than Yuri does. Think about it: this argument started out as just a clash between different thought processes and writing styles, but then Natsuki had to drag the others, including Brett, into it for some fucking reason. What the hell do the other three have to do with this again?"

 _Yuri: "E-Eh?! That's not what I…! Uu… You… You're just…"_

 _Yuri stands up as well._

"I really do feel kinda bad for Yuri, though. She's not cut out to get into arguments and she knows it, but she still gets dragged into one because of Natsuki's… reasons. Just an awful spot to be in."

 _Yuri: "Maybe you're just jealous that Brett appreciates my advice more than he appreciated yours!"_

 _Natsuki: "Huh! And how do you know he didn't appreciate_ _ **my**_ _advice more? Are you that full of yourself?"_

 _Yuri: "I…! No… If I was full of myself… I would deliberately go out of my way to make everything I do overly cutesy!"_

"Someone please just stop this argument before both of them lose whatever dignity they still have left…"

 _Natsuki: "Uuuuuu…!"_

 _Sayori: "U-Um! Is everyone okay…?"_

"Alright, here we go, someone who can salvage this mess- the club's vice president. Come on Sayori, get in there!"

 _Natsuki: "Well, you know what?!"_

"Nevermind, that was just false hope..."

 _Natsuki: "I wasn't the one whose boobs magically grew a size bigger as soon as Brett started showing up!"_

"Do you hear that? No, it's not the music- it's the sound of whatever dignity Natsuki may have had left leaving her body faster than Chris Johnson running the 40 yard dash. You do realize her sprite is the exact goddamn same as it was yesterday, right?"

 _Yuri: "N-Natsuki!"_

 _Monika: "Um, Natsuki, that's a little-"_

"Alright, take two. You're the club president, Monika. Don't fuck this up. Put your foot down and defuse the situation."

 _Nat & Yuri: "This doesn't involve you!"_

 _Sayori: "I-I don't like fighting, guys…!"_

"Or Monika can just completely shit herself and not even get a full sentence in. And Sayori went in for take three, but it looks like she didn't get it right either. Jesus Christ, no wonder this club only has five members. They're already at a disadvantage by making their club about literature as opposed to something more appealing to the average high school student, like gaming, movies, anime or music, but beyond that, who the hell would want to join a club with infighting like this and utterly spineless leadership? For fucks sake, just slap a Knicks logo on the front door already!"

 _Yuri: "Brett…! She- she's just trying to make me look bad…!"_

 _Natsuki: "That's not true! She started it! If she could learn to get over herself and appreciate that_ _ **simple**_ _writing is more effective… Then this wouldn't have happened in the first place! What's the point in making your poems all convoluted for no reason? The meaning should jump out at the reader, not force them to have to figure it out. Help me explain that to her, Brett!"_

"Um… Yuri started it? I think you need to take a breathalyzer test, Natsuki. Either that or you have the short term memory of Dory. You just blew up at Yuri for calling your poem cute. Oh, and don't lie to yourself, you are trying to make Yuri look bad. How else do you explain those baseless claims that she's pretentious and also stuffing her bra with tissues? I already mentioned that she looks the same as she did yesterday, and just because you throw in some long words into your poem and leave the meaning ambiguous doesn't automatically make it pretentious. And maybe _you_ need to get over yourself, since you instantly assumed that she was making fun of you over one comment that wasn't at all meant to be demeaning. Besides, even if she did start it, it wouldn't change the fact that you're being a total dick right now. I have to say though, you would do extremely well on the internet with argument tactics like those. You may as well just start a flame war on reddit or subscribe to Sargon of Akkad, Natsuki. It is your calling in life. I mean, you've already pissed away your dignity along with whatever respect anyone may have had for you, so it really wouldn't be that much of a loss."

 _Yuri: "W-Wait! There's a reason we have so many deep and expressive words in our language! It's the only way to convey complex feelings and meaning the most effectively. Avoiding them is not only unnecessarily limiting yourself… it's also a waste! You understand that, right, Brett?"_

"Take a look at how Yuri phrased her points in comparison to Natsuki. Notice how Yuri doesn't have to resort to personal attacks. I mean, I really shouldn't be preaching about how you shouldn't go around insulting other people or things, but my hypocrisy doesn't make anyone else's better or worse. And while it seems like I'm deflecting blame or putting myself on a high horse here, I use insults in a joking manner. I exaggerate things for a comedic purpose, not that anyone actually laughs. Natsuki, on the other hand… she's just being a dick. I mean, come on- do you really think this argument is just some elaborate in-joke that we don't know about?"

 _Brett: "Um…!"_

 _Nat & Yuri: "Well?"_

 _Brett: ...How did I get dragged into this in the first place?! It's not like I know anything about writing… But whomever I agree with, they'll probably think more highly of me! So, of course, that's going to be…!_

Suddenly, three options appeared on the screen: Natsuki, Yuri, and Help me, Sayori!

"Now listen, I have pretty much no standards, as you could probably tell from my previous videos on this pathetic excuse of a channel. But even I've got my limits. You see, we humans are capable of committing great evil, such as the Rwandan Genocide, the Virginia Tech massacre, and supporting Natsuki in this argument. So we have two choices here."

"I mean, neither of these options look good. I don't trust Brett and Yuri to try and shut this down, since neither of them are particularly assertive. Then again, Sayori has already tried- and failed- to defuse the situation. Twice. Sooo…"

"Alright, take four. Sayori and Monika have already fucked up, so I'm just gonna side with Yuri and pray to God that it works out. Purple lady, don't fail me now!" Mason said as he clicked on the box labeled "Yuri."

 _Brett: "Natsuki. You're right that I liked your poem."_

 _Natsuki: "See?"_

 _Brett: "Wait! That's not an excuse for you to be so mean! You shouldn't pick a fight just because someone's opinion is different."_

"Finally, we're starting to make some sense in here!"

 _Natsuki: "That's not what happened at all! Yuri wouldn't even take my poem seriously!"_

"Unfortunately, phrases like 'common sense' and 'cooling off' don't appear to be part of Natsuki's vocabulary."

 _Brett: "Mm… I understand. Yuri."_

 _Yuri: "Eh?"_

 _Brett: "You're a seriously talented writer. It's no secret I was impressed."_

 _Yuri: "W-Well, that's…"_

 _Brett: "But here's the thing. No matter how simple or refined one's writing style is… They're still putting feelings into it, and it becomes something really personal. That's why Natsuki felt threatened when you said her poem was cute."_

 _Yuri: "I...see… I didn't notice that I… I-I'm sorry…Uuu…"_

 _Brett: "But Natsuki, you took it way too far! Yuri means well, and if you just told her how you felt… Then this wouldn't have happened in the first place."_

 _Natsuki: "Are you kidding? That's exactly what I did! It was her that-"_

 _Monika: "Natsuki, I think that's enough. You both said some things that you didn't mean. Yuri apologized. Don't you think you should, too?"_

"Oh, so now she decides to step in and actually do something! Better late than never, I guess."

 _Natsuki: "Nnn…!"_

 _Natsuki clenches her fists. In the end, nobody has taken her side. She's trapped, at this point being defiant only because she can't handle the pressure. I end up even feeling bad for her._

"Honestly? Good. Enjoy this embarrassment, Natsuki. You've earned it."

 _Sayori: "U-Um! Sometimes when I'm hurt… It helps for me to take a walk and clear my head!"_

 _Brett: "Sayori, she doesn't need to-"_

 _Natsuki: "You know what? I'm going to do that. It'll spare me from having to look at all you faces right now."_

"And it spares everyone else from having to look at yours. Talk about a two-pronged benefit."

 _Without warning, Natsuki snatches her own poem from the desk and storms out. On her way out, she crumples up the poem with her hands and throws it in the trash._

"And while you're at it, Natsuki, why don't you throw yourself in there as well? Arrogant prick…"

 _March 22, 4:33 PM_

 _Monika_

 _Literature Clubroom_

Mason didn't know, but along with himself and his future audience, there was one more person listening to his commentary over the argument.

Unlike his future audience, however, this person had access to his personal information stored inside of his computer.

" _Interesting, very interesting… I'll be keeping my eye on you, Mason Wayne. I like how you… keep it real, as they say. Heh heh heh…"_

 **Author's Note: Jesus, this chapter was delayed. Sorry about that. If there's one thing you learn from my stories, then don't manage your time the way I do.**

 **Anyways, as of now, I'm working mostly on this story and The Unexplored Path- be sure to check that out, by the way. It's an AU of Lyn's story in Fire Emblem: The Blazing Blade, and I think there are a lot of parallels between The Unexplored Path and this story. Whether you like or dislike this story so far, leave a review with your praise and/or constructive criticism. It really helps me as a writer.**


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